“come along as we unlock the mysteries of life, one pretty cool hotel at a time!” 

Executive Airport Hotel Miami :

6700 NW 12th St, Miami, FL 33126

 

My rating : 2/5

Cleanliness : 2.5/5 – I didn’t stay overnight but 2.5 just means I didn’t really want to have to lay on the bed…

Should you go : Not if you have other good theme/fantasy choices. Sure if you want to throw a party in that dance room or try the weird sex chair.

Worth the money : It feels pricey to me, considering you could get a whole night at Cove Haven for what 3 hours can cost here. Sure, stop by if you’re in the neighborhood, but probably don’t make a special trip for it.

Average nightly cost : Ranges from $50-$250 PER 3 HOURS. No nightly rates.

Location : Miami, FL

Time of year to go : Anytime

Recommended room or activity :

Bed bugs : None seen, but I did not check the beds

Their website : http://www.executivefantasyhotels.com/portfolio/executive-airport-hotel/

 

Oh boy I’m going to need to wash my hands after typing this because it feels so…dirty. This is another hotel we didn’t sleep at, I was just given a generous tour. I knew from the way they advertised this was going to be less…um…romance-geared and more sex-geared. So, while it has some very cool elements, it doesn’t fit my *brand* as well as a kitschy, vintage, romantic type of theme hotel, ya know? Anyway, it was an experience. It’s right by the Miami airport and if you drove by the entrance I guarantee you wouldn’t even notice. It’s tucked away in some very tall bushes that feel like it’s hiding in plain sight. One you pull up to the main building you’ll notice all the glass is double-sided mirrors so you can’t see in but they can see you. A fascinating welcome, to be sure. Well, I went in and asked if I could see some of the rooms. The man behind the glass (yes the glass separates you from the attendant), told me to go get in the golf cart outside and that someone would take me around to see the rooms, no questions asked. So that was nice! I went and hopped in a golf cart and was soon greeted by a maid who handed me a post-it note with room numbers and the price per 4-hours for each room. She drove me around to each room (they all have private garages here too) and I went inside to explore. There were some more typical theme-rooms, like the jungle room and the arabian nights room, but none of them were what I would call spectacular. Fascinating, yes, but not spectacular. The decor was midwestern parents basement meets sex dungeon. So. The most fascinating part was the sex chair that was found in every single room. Like woah this thing was intimidating. I’m still going to need a tutorial at some point. Maybe.

There were some rooms that are most definitely used for parties. Like rooms with a poll and dance lights with enough seating for like 20 people so yeah…don’t tell me you have a 2-person-per-room policy. LOL. I’d definitely throw a party there before I slept there.

Anyway, the cleanliness felt neither here nor there. The rooms were a little stuffy and seemed ok…nothing shocking (besides the sex chairs) so if you’re in Miami and this is the best you can find, I won’t judge you! Fun fact, there are several other Executive Hotels in Miami and they all advertise with like 70 year old men with 18 year old women in lingerie so their audience is already just fascinating. They could do better but ya know, I bet they’re doing just fine with what they’re going for.

Instagram Highlight Story : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRx3j3oX5hM

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